There is probably no adult in the world who hasn’t heard the term “mail order bride.” But the level of familiarity with this term differs from one individual to another and ranges from “Do mail order brides still exist?” to the complete knowledge of who these women are, where they come from, and what motivates them to look for foreign husbands.
Today, we want you to understand everything about mail order relationships: who mail order brides are, how do mail order brides work, and what people often get wrong about these marriages. Here are the most important things to know about mail order brides, especially if you plan to marry one.
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What is a mail order bride
When investigating any topic, it’s always best to start with the definition. A modern mail order bride is a young woman who has decided to marry a foreign man by posting her photos and a short description on a special international dating site. Contrary to popular belief, mail order brides are not for sale, and these marriages are strictly consensual.
A quick history of mail order brides
Mail order brides appeared way earlier than you probably imagine—back in the 17th century, when the first American men became so desperate to find wives that they placed newspaper ads. English girls read those ads, and a few dozen young women actually went to the US to marry men they had never met before.
Since then, there have been several waves of popularity of mail order marriages, especially at the beginning and end of the 20th century, but the internet becoming more and more common certainly turned a new leaf in the history of mail order brides.
How do mail order brides work?
Right now, the most popular way to meet a mail order wife is to use international dating services, and it’s easier than you think. Here is how it works:
- You sign up for a dating service.
- You find one or more women to reach out to.
- You communicate with the bride online for a few months.
- You arrange an offline date to see if you are a good match.
- You continue dating offline and eventually decide to tie the knot.
Are mail order brides real?
They surely are! Modern mail order brides are absolutely real women who, for some reason, became unhappy with the lives they were living in their home countries and decided to take matters into their own hands. They are the women you can meet online on international dating sites, and even though not all of them prefer to call themselves mail order brides, that’s exactly who they are.
Why do foreign women become mail order brides?
There are many reasons why a foreign lady may want to become a mail order bride, but here are the top 3:
- Shortage of suitable partners. In many countries, with the notable exception of China, there are far more women than men, which creates a shortage of eligible bachelors.
- Low living standards. Many countries in Asia, Eastern Europe, and Latin America provide less than ideal living conditions for young and unmarried women.
- Attraction to Western men. Mail order brides instinctively compare local men to Western guys, and confident, successful Western guys always win.
Are mail order brides legal?
Yes! Mail order marriages are fairly common, and many countries have their own legal acts regulating marriages to mail order brides. There is only one country where it is explicitly prohibited for local women to marry foreign men, and that country is the Philippines. However, given that the Philippines is also the biggest supplier of foreign mail order brides in the world, people are obviously finding a way around this law.
Possible challenges of mail order bride relationships
When researching the topic of mail order relationships, you eventually want to know: do mail order brides actually work? We are happy to tell you that for the most part, they do. There are thousands of men in the US alone who marry foreign mail order brides every year, and their relationships couldn’t work out better.
At the same time, there are certain challenges you need to take into account when planning your mail order bride adventure. These challenges won’t necessarily happen in your relationship, and they won’t necessarily have a negative effect on the outcome of your romance. Still, they are something you should be prepared for:
- Language barrier. This is probably the most common challenge of mail order bride dating. With a few exceptions—such as Singapore, Sweden, and Barbados—English is not commonly spoken abroad. Unless you know your bride’s native language, there may be some communication problems for the two of you, at least until both of you learn each other’s languages better.
- Cultural differences. This is not just about the local customs—these are pretty easy to learn. This is also about the dating culture, the attitude to family, and other things that matter for a budding relationship. To avoid complications in a new relationship, it’s important to respect each other’s cultural peculiarities and try to understand each other’s perspective.
- Social stigma. Most people in the world don’t know the real mail order bride meaning and think that men simply pay beautiful women for an opportunity to marry them. In order words, they consider these marriages to be transactional. This is something you will likely need to deal with when you introduce your mail order bride to your family, friends, or coworkers, so you need to know how to deal with these situations.
Popular misconceptions about mail order brides
Mail order brides and mail order marriages are trendy these days, and it’s impossible for something to be popular and not become surrounded by myths and misconceptions. Some myths about mail order brides are rooted in reality, and others have nothing to do with it. Here are five things you can often hear about mail order brides and mail order relationships and why they are not exactly true.
- Men who marry mail order brides are desperate. One of the most common stereotypes is that mail order marriages are the last resort for men who failed to find a girlfriend or wife in their own country. However, there are many reasons a man may want to marry a foreign bride that have nothing to do with failure, and we will talk about them later in this article.
- They only do it for money or a Green Card. There are certainly mail order brides who look for foreign husbands for personal gain. Marrying a foreign man and moving with him abroad usually means upgrading the quality of living, and there is no arguing with that. However, the absolute majority of mail order brides also care about a personal attraction and passion between the spouses, not just the benefits.
- There is no love in mail order marriages. If you want your mail order marriage to succeed, you should only marry someone when you are confident that your marriage is built on love. Don’t just marry someone because you are tired of being alone, and don’t marry someone when you are the only one in love: these relationships are bound to fail.
- Mail order brides are quiet and obedient. The only universal thing about mail order brides is the mail order bride definition and the fact that it’s perfectly legal to marry a foreign bride. As for their personal traits, they can be very different, so it’s really unfair to claim that all mail order brides are docile and will agree to anything.
- Mail order brides only want to be housewives. This is true for many mail order wives because that’s how things are done in their home countries. However, plenty of foreign women have big career ambitions and can achieve great things when they are given the opportunity to do so.
5 signs that you may need to look for a mail order bride
It is safe to say that mail order bride dating is not for everyone. Millions of men in the Western part of the world successfully find a match in their home city or country and don’t even consider marriage to a foreign lady. However, there are also plenty of situations where a foreign bride is your best choice of a partner. Here are 5 of those situations.
You are attracted to specific female features
There is a widespread occurrence when you want to date or marry a woman with very specific qualities, appearance or otherwise, and simply cannot find a match locally. For example, if you are attracted to Asian women, you may not have a lot of options if you live in a small Western town. Luckily, mail order dating opens up a lot of possibilities for you.
You have old-fashioned values
Modern Western women have a changing attitude to marriage and dating. They don’t mind dating someone casually, not marrying until they turn 30, or even seeing several people at once. If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, you may find that foreign mail order brides possess values that match yours much better.
You are open to exploring a new culture
Many people from the Western part of the planet are too embroiled in their own culture and don’t have the time or the desire to notice anything else in the world. However, the rest of the world has a lot of exciting things to offer. Marrying a woman from a different culture will explore you to new customs, culture, art, and even cuisine, making your life more fulfilling.
You want to build a happy family
When a foreign mail order bride is looking for a partner abroad, she is only looking for a potential husband and father of her children. She is determined to make that relationship succeed. She is going to work together with you to achieve a happy marriage and a lovely family, not to break up at first sight of trouble.
You see no problem with interracial marriage
Even two decades into the 21st century, interracial marriage is not for everyone. Marrying someone from a completely different culture, nationality, and race is going to make your family the subject of questions and glances even from your loved ones. However, if you are confident that that’s what your future has in store for you, go for it.
Marriage to a mail order bride shouldn’t be viewed as the last opportunity to find a partner and avoid being alone. Mail order brides are fantastic women in their own right, and they deserve all the love and adoration in the world. And now that you know more about them, their motivation, and the things that can go wrong in a relationship with a mail order bride, your own romantic story has a much better chance of being successful!
Frequently Asked Questions
According to several sources, mail order marriages often prove to be more successful than regular marriages between American citizens. For example, one source claims that 80% of marriages between an American citizen and a mail order spouse last more than a year.
The answer to this question depends on many factors, from the site where you choose to conduct your search to your prior online dating experience. On average, men report that it takes them from 6 months to a year to find a woman they will eventually marry.
Again, there is no universal answer to this question, and your experience can be different from the experience of men who came before you. The average expenses linked to meeting mail order brides online and offline range from $5,000 to $20,000.
Yes, as an alternative to online dating, you can consider romance tours. They are arranged by dating agencies and don’t require any planning from your side. The advantage of those tours is that you can meet several brides at once, but the downside is that you are going to be sharing their attention with several other men.
Absolutely not! Even though this practice may have been acceptable in the past, it definitely is not right now. As a Western man looking for a foreign mail order bride, you can use the money to enhance your online dating experience, but not to actually get a foreign girl to marry you.